Strange art

So I'm still kinda trying to break the habit (feels a LOT like quitting smoking ;) ), but I'm doing far better then I would have thought Friday, which just proves nothing is ever as bad as you think it is.

I am however just bubbling with ideas about pictures, and have great story-lines in my head I even picked up the pens again and did some drawing (woow who would have ever thought that!). It seems that feeling sad makes me more creative, lol, very sad but apparently true.

After Sabrina died I thought I could never take a picture again, I felt so... empty... everthing just seemed utterly useless. And I'm not saying it makes more sense now, if anything it is more useless :) but a shock like this to my system might just be what I needed. Yes, there is no point to life, good people die, bad people live, you get heart broken or break your own heart, that is kinda it. I think life isn't supposed to be easy, or painless for that matter, it's supposed to be a journey.

And I think the most treasured memories are the ones that have a sting, that is why it's so easy to find creative ideas in pain I guess, but it has to be the right kind of pain, not the disabling numbness I felt after Sabrina died, where nothing I could do would have changed the outcome. But this pain, kinda my own doing, with a nice coating of anger and frustration I can't wait to get my camera and shoot some stuff.

I should be grateful that this happened to me, I did try to pick the camera up before, but it never felt "good" or the same, like there was a distinct "before" and "after", and I could never get my mindset like the "before" again. Now..... I think I can, I know I can, I might suck at inter human relations ;), but I can push that button, I can make that shot.

I can be me again

So in all honesty I should say... thanks, you've been a lifesaver